so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
