hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
