I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
