Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my liver is dry heaving
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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