Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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