Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
