And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
