Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
