I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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