so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
