thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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