We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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