got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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