no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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