somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
