I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
