my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
operation harelip BJ is a go
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When are your genitals available?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
