my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Life is so much better after having sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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