doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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