Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
