I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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