ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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