Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
