Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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