Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
