Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im holly from the hills drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Randomize
