He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
