We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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