It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
