my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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