I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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