Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
