hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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