you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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