he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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