sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
