She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was CRYING into my vagina
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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