I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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