I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
