So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
