Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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