My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
