can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
