She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
