I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
