Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
