are you still at the devil's house?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
