I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
