its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
