some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How's work?
Spinning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
