I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was confusing and full of hummus
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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