She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
